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Kristin Z

[ website | My Website ]
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(no subject) [Aug. 17th, 2014|01:13 pm]
Kristin Z
You'll never understand just how much youve hurt me. And you'll never care. That's just how you are. Cold hearted. They say it's better to have loved and lost than never loved at all, but in this case...if I could go back and change things...I never would've crossed your path. Youve been a waste of time. I think I actually hate you. Lesson learned.
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Is this your oasis? [Sep. 20th, 2012|11:22 pm]
Kristin Z
Baby Peyton will be here anyday now...woo hoo! I actually feel excited and not too anxious. Ahhh...I cant wait to meet my little fella! Gonna be interesting to see Dylan & Addys reactions. :) :) So blessed. Thank you God!!!!!


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(no subject) [Jul. 4th, 2012|07:39 pm]
Kristin Z
one depressing entry after another, im a fucking joke.
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when I was in kindergarten [Jul. 4th, 2012|07:33 pm]
Kristin Z
[Current Location |bedroom]
[mood, bitch |disappointeddisappointed]
[music, bitch |idgaf]

so I guess we're just gonna sit around while you drink & be your good ol' selfish self.

I can't wait to get out of this living situation. I should've stayed at my last apartment. I should've never let you in that night. Im 99% sure I would've been a lot more content. Let this be my lesson to never let myself become dependant on someone...especially someone as ignorant and fucking crushing as you. I blame myself for allowing this to happen. Up to me to change it. Stop bitching and DO SOMETHING. Fucking failure.

I wasnt like this before.

this is fucking intolerable...untolerable..who the fuck cares. im sick of it, thats it.
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Update time... [Mar. 14th, 2012|11:58 am]
Kristin Z
[Current Location |my kitchen]
[mood, bitch |contentcontent]
[music, bitch |Big Time]

Okay, so lets see here. We're living in Lake Havasu, AZ. Been here since June 2011. Love it here. Dylan just turned 5 earlier this month. He's finally starting Kindergarten in August after 2 years of pre school. He is so flippin adorable, the things he says and does...omg lol. Addison turned 2 in January. Addy...now she's absolutely weird, but in the most heart warming way. She's awesome, I LOVE my kids so so much. And then there's this next one...yep, another one! Im almost 13 weeks preggers. This ones been tough, i actually feel preggo and look it already! My first 2 were pretty easy-breezy, but not this one. I love it regardless. So looking forward to this, 3 kids sounds pretty hectic, but its all good lol. xoxo
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maybe, maybe...buy a little more time [Nov. 8th, 2011|08:38 am]
Kristin Z
You wanna know how I honestly feel? Like, on a somewhat serious note, ill be raw to the bone. I feel like a fucking loser. Straight out. I'm hoping that typing this out will someway or the other help me fucking deal & finally figure shit out because I don't want this life I've created for myself to continue any longer. I'm worn out on these goddamn guilt trips and pity parties I exceedingly create day after day. Its annnnnooooooyyyyiiiinnng (to say the least!) All I want is to be cool in someones eyes. I want someone to be taken by me. Fucking smitten by who I am. I try so hard, down to the moat ridiculous little moments. I think my little quirks are cute sometimes, but really its not cute to anyone else except MAYBE Dylan..but he's 4...and the little dude does anything to see me happy. He loves me for who I am. I know Addy feels the same way bout me, but she is a little more reserved at showing emotion. Regardless, there's no doubt in my mind that my little stinker butts adore me; and I them. I mean every word when I say that they're my reasons for not giving up. I want to give them the world, they more than deserve it. Why do I not attract him in any way? He doesn't at all want anything with me. We broke up, he moved on. Why can't I do the same? He can be with someone else so easily. He finds happiness without me. He doesn't think about me or wonder what I'm doing. I'm the complete opposite. I can get someone else easy if I want, but I only want him..or I never get anyone who is what I'm looking for. Can't even do one night stands or use someone to kill time and enjoy myself with for a minute. Only him. I put so much into finding ways for him to want me again. Epic failure. Setting myself up for rejection. I act silly cuz I'm afraid ot nervous. Things aren't as funny and chill as I make them out to be. Why do you have to be so embarrassed by me? Its hurtful...or is it all in my head? I know you don't like being seen with me. I'm not someone you could showoff. You keep your distance in public or avoid the situation every fucking time. What am I doing wrong? I'm sorry I'm not the all American girl next door...and you know what....I practically am just that. Don't shoot me down cuz it tears me up. Kids are awake. Happy birthday, mom. Love you to infinity and beyond forever and ever. Xoxo


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hows about cookin somethin up with me [Jul. 11th, 2010|03:57 am]
Kristin Z
and then i go lay next to you and hold you cuz i cant help but love you. at least you always hold me back i guess.
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in my daughters eyes [Jul. 11th, 2010|03:01 am]
Kristin Z
[mood, bitch |fuck off]

if you dont give a fuck, then neither do I. figure shit out on ur own. im done putting up with your ass. grow the fuck up. OPEN YOUR FUCKING EYES. im done with waiting for you to show some compassion...some fucking acknowledgement or thank you would have been nice, but you dont see it. you dont see anything. im not your bitch. i thought i was your girlfriend, but i sure as hell dont feel like it. and im not just crying and whining like brooke. i bet you anything she did tons for you and you just never saw it. i feel bad for her, i am so jealous of her, but i dont hate her at all. and for how much you supposedly hate her, you sure did a lot for her. looks do amount to something, and sorry if im not like her...but hey ur not hot shit either. i still love you, but fuck, maybe i shouldnt. you are so not afraid of losing me, but im not gonna sit here very much longer if it keeps up.
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enough is enough [Jun. 27th, 2010|03:11 am]
Kristin Z
[Current Location |not with him]
[mood, bitch |draineddrained]
[music, bitch |addy movung around]

sick of it. sick of feeling like im not good enough for him. sick of binging and purging. sick of being jealous. sick of always hoping. its very obvious when someone loves you...he doesnt and i know it, but i guess since i wish so bad that he did, i try pretend like i cant tell. maybe he LIKES me or TOLERATES me at times, but thats about as far as it goes. it just makes me mad and sad cuz throughout all these years ive been the dumb one who still...i dunno. i love him a lot, i cant help it. fuck i hate it only cuz its not mutual. i dont want to cry tonight. i just wanna lay with him but hes in the living room and im here in the bedroom on the floor on the fucking laptop at 3fuckin am being a little bitch like always. maybe one day he will come ask whats wrong or try to cheer me up or just listen...or even just lie down with me....yeah, doubt that. why cant he run to me...because he doesnt feel what i do. dylan and addy really need a new mom, and i wholeheartdly mean that. i suck at life.
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theres a devil in the [bottle] part II [May. 29th, 2010|06:46 pm]
Kristin Z
[Current Location |futon]
[mood, bitch |not bad]
[music, bitch |curious george]

i dont get it. im trying to understand, but i just cant. i didnt do anything wrong.i didnt deserve all that bull shit. thanks a bunch. and i bet you anything its one of those things that we are gonna pretend never happened. you were drunk, just let it go. okay, i will, cuz i dont even want to think about it. it just pisses me off and makes my head ache. fudge it. i wish i had not cried. you just fed off of it. lovely. just do what you want but tell me your plans in case i need to prepare myself. it always seems to work out this way. when im falling for you harder, i feel pushed away. is god teaching me a lesson by bringing you back into my life? is this for all the hurt i caused? is he teasing me so i know how it feels? its not funnny. i love you like no one else and not feeling that back makes me feel like i did when i was 16. i dont want to lose you, but if you dont want to play on this field, just please please let me know. i hope you do. a lot of drinking lately. please dont go back. you dont need to. im sorry life is so boring and miserable. oh fuck...im sorry. i dont want you to hurt . i want you to be happy. id love to create a life with you. i want to really bad. i didnt leave you last night. you left me. i have your back, but if i cant find you, then what the fuck am i supposed to do? you walked away. that was horrible. worst night ive ever had with you. 8 years to the day...nice way to remember that. i had a bad feeling, but i had no idea it would turn out like it did. whatever...explain why i deserved that? actually, dont. i dont wanna hear it. no more depression. im trying. its hard...esp when i feel so alone and unloved...but i guess you have a funny way of showing you care and its my fault for not understanding. okay. always my fault. put yourself in my shoes. why do i always say that, god, i hate being so depressed and emo. i had a good day today, kinda. see ya. oh, and angels won so suck it....but i still love you
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